By Dame Toni

Note: This is Part 6 of an article I’m writing for submission to several magazines. To see Previous Installments,  look for previous posts on this blog and check out my personal website: http://toniandrews.bravejournal.com

But how does that make you feel?

Back in my contest ho’ days, the comment most likely to drive me stark raving bonkers was “Show, Don’t Tell.”   It made me crazy for two reasons:  1) I had absolutely no idea what it meant and 2) it was all over my manuscript. Although some of the more conscientious contest judges took the time to point out an example or suggest an improvement, I just wasn’t getting it. 

My first big breakthrough came when I took a workshop by Margie Lawson called “Empowering Characters Emotions.”  I was fortunate enough to attend one of her full day master classes, but Margie also performs this as an on-line class a couple of times a year—check out her website: http://www.margielawson.com/. 

Showing vs. Telling and Setting:

Margie’s workshop helped me solve a personal mystery. When reading a contest entry from a beginning author, or even a less-than-stellar published work, one of the things that drives me crazy is too much description, especially when the setting.  On the other hand, my favorite author, James Lee Burke, puts so much description into his books that the setting is almost one of the characters.  And I devour every word with the appetite of a ravenous bayou alligator.

Burke doesn’t tell readers about the fecund swamps of Bayou Teche or the gracefully decaying facades in New Orleans’ Garden District—he shows us how that makes his characters feel.

Here’s a simple example:

Telling:

Better:

Now you’re showing!

The first example describes the setting. The second tells you how the Point of View (POV) character feels about the setting. The third takes you there.

What makes the third so much richer than the first (or even the second)?  It’s the (write this down!) involuntary physical reaction to the glare of the sun. 

It also tells you whether bright sunlight is a good or a bad thing for the POV character at this particular point in this particular story.  On this day, bright sunlight is painful and brings on a squint. On another day, it might feel wonderful, and cause a happy sigh.

By the way, did you catch the Big Hint here?  You did?  And what conclusion did you draw?  Yep, you guessed it—Showing vs. Telling is yet another POV issue!

Try the following exercise.  Cut and paste the following chart into a document on your computer. For each “telling” description, first think of a couple of different ways a POV character might feel about that description.  Then come up with an involuntary physical reaction that would show the reader the POV character’s emotions.

I’ll do the first one to give you an idea:

Feel free to post any examples you think are especially interesting.

Next (and final!) installment: (Don’t) Name That Tune! Using the five senses to show (rather than tell) emotions.