Stepping Onto the Query-Go-Round, pt. 1: Content

By Dame Jackie

I just did this workshop at my local RWA chapter this weekend. What follows below is the introduction and the first part of the workshop on queries, which gets into the meat of what goes into a successful query letter. Parts 2 and 3 will be covered in my next two posts. Stay tuned!

Here’s the big thing authors must know about queries: if you are seeking representation (and I highly recommend that you do), you absolutely must learn how to write a bang-up query letter. Business writing is a hell of a lot different than creative writing. It’s a completely different skill set.

The sole purpose of a query letter is to hook the agent’s interest enough to have him or her request a partial. That’s it. You have to remember that good agents are swamped with requests (not to mention with client work), so their time is at a premium. Don’t waste the agent’s time in a blizzard of words that don’t mean anything.


Dear Mr./Ms. Agent:

Jezebel’s not your average exotic dancer. For one thing, she’s a four-thousand-year-old succubus. For another, she’s on the run from Hell (which is a bitch to do in high heels). Hiding on the mortal coil as a human doesn’t protect her from muggers, lactose intolerance…or having feelings for Paul, a man haunted by his past. Demons are closing in, which is enough to make Jezebel shiver in her G-string. But it’s her love for Paul that’s going to have deadly consequences. (Humans, she laments, really should come with instruction manuals.)

Filled with humor, action, and warmth-inducing love scenes (Jezebel’s not a succubus anymore, but she’s not dead), HELL’S BELLES will appeal to fans of Katie MacAlister and Laurell K. Hamilton. This 80,000-word novel has something for everyone: irreverence, wit, magic, sex, strippers, Good and Evil, a soundtrack, and a touch of controversy.

I’m the science fiction and fantasy editor for WILD CHILD PUBLISHING. My published work appeared in BYZARIUM, WILD CHILD, PERIDOT BOOKS, and TENEBRES; my fiction has been accepted for upcoming issues of FARTHING, FROM THE ASYLUM, and RUTHIE’S CLUB.

Tempted by HELL’S BELLES? If so, contact me by e-mail at EMAIL, by postal address via the enclosed S.A.S.E, or by phone at PHONENUMBER. Sample chapters, the complete manuscript, and a synopsis are available. (G-strings and Shields Against Evil not included.)

Best wishes,

Jackie Kessler

I sent out my query letter to the 30 agents whom I’d identified as Tier 1 agents that represented fantasy. I wound up getting 11 requests for the full manuscript (and one phone call from an agent telling me that she only does exclusives but should I not get an offer she would be happy to read the manuscript exclusively). And that led to five offers of representation. I picked my agent, and a week later, HELL’S BELLES sold in a three-book deal on a pre-empt. So the query worked.

I’m a firm believer in keeping a query short and in the tone of the novel. The three things the query must include are (1) the novel hook — which is not a plot summary; (2) the factual information about the book; and (3) your contact information. Optional: your writing credits, if applicable.

Why not a summary? Again, keep in mind the agent’s limited time. Even the best summaries tend to be long — and while some of us made it through college with the help of Cliff’s Notes, even good summaries tend not to be as engaging as the actual novel. Remember, the point of the query is to HOOK the agent’s interest.

To that point, the very first thing I recommend you do is come up with a one-sentence summary of your novel, the “so what,” if you will, of the book. From there, you can build your query.

The one-sentence hook for HELL’S BELLES, for example is:

HELL’S BELLES is the story of a succubus who runs away from Hell, hides on Earth as an exotic dancer, and learns the hard way about love.

So keeping this in mind, I wrote the first paragraph of the query. I touch on the important things that I felt would make the query (and the book) stand out: the heroine is a demon; the heroine ran away from Hell; the heroine falls for a human man; the heroine must avoid the demons hunting her; the heroine’s love for the human man will have dire consequences.

And I made sure to keep the tone of the query similar to the tone of the book: in my case, humorous. It’s not as dark as the novel, but that’s OK — I needed an agent who was eager to read humorous magical chick-lit (which is what I thought HELL’S BELLES was).

The second paragraph gives the facts: the book is 80,000 words, has humor, action, and sex, and is targeted at the readers of bestselling authors Katie MacAlister and Laurell K. Hamilton. This is important: by saying who the target audience is — and comparing that audience to those of bestselling authors in my genre — I’m telling the agent that my book is marketable. Given how marketing has a seat at the acquisitions table, this is vital.

The word count is equally important: you’re not only telling the agent that the book is complete, you’re also demonstrating that you know the right length of novels in your genre.

Speaking of genre, that’s something I chose not to mention in my query: the genre of the novel. I’d been aiming for a magical chick-lit feeling, but I firmly believed the book would be shelved in the Fantasy section of the bookstore. Turns out, it was marketed as paranormal romance and wound up shelved in the Romance section.

But my point here is I didn’t get hung up on “chick-lit feeling with strong fantasy and romantic elements, with a little horror, and very dark humor throughout, with a splash of experimentalism.” All an agent needs is a reason to reject a query; don’t give him or her that reason by making yourself appear unmarketable. While we all know our books are not formula genre books, for the purposes of the query, if you can’t pinpoint one genre (and please, DON’T say it’s cross-genre), then simply don’t mention the genre at all. Really, that’s OK.

The third paragraph is all about me — and specifically, my publishing history. It doesn’t say that I haven’t published a novel before; why would I emphasize a negative? It does list the magazines that published my short fiction and nonfiction, and it mentions that I was (at that time), a science fiction and fantasy editor for an online magazine. If you don’t have publishing credits or other writing credits, skip this paragraph. Seriously. Agents offer representation to previously unpublished authors all the time. (Why do you think they get so many queries?)

The concluding paragraph tells the agent exactly what I’m offering — sample chapters (in other words, a partial), the full manuscript (code for “this novel is complete”), and the synopsis. Yes, the synopsis. Granted, not all agents want or require a synopsis…but enough of them do that I highly recommend you have a synopsis ready to go when you query agents. And your editor may want the synopsis when it’s time to take it to the acquisitions meeting and later, the all-important sales and marketing in-house launch. And do include your contact information.

For more about the mechanics of writing a bang-up query letter, I highly recommend Your Novel Proposal: From Creation to Contract (Blythe Camenson and Marhsall Cook),, and Backspace.

My next post on March 3 , 2009, will look at what the next steps are once you have that bang-up query letter ready to go.


  1. says

    Jackie, will you write my next query letter? I so totally suck at this part of the process! I have Wendy Burt-Thomas’s Guide to Query Letters but I’m definitely checking out your recommendations! I need all the help I can get. Thanks for a great post and I look forward to the next installments.

  2. says

    Love the query, it really crackles!

    I’m curious, where would you draw the line between “This book would appeal to readers of these authors” and “This book is the next So-and-So”. Showing it’s marketable is great of course, but I also see a lot of query-related info shooting down people who, say, drop names, claim they’re the next JK Rowling, or compare their work is as good as/better than a certain author. As far as phrasing goes, how would you define what is a helpful comparison and what’s surefire reason for rejection?

  3. says

    Hayley, I would avoid saying “This is the next So-and-So” like the plague. It’s one thing to be confident in pointing out similarities between target audiences — say, the audience for your book and the audience of JK Rowling — and something else entirely when claiming to have written the next Harry Potter. Also, I would never say that an offered book is **better** than any other author’s. It’s all subjective, of course…and heck, that bestselling author you’re dissing might be a client of the agent you’re querying. And that would be a serious faux pas. :)

    So yes, by all means, compare target audiences — “This book would appeal to fans of BESTSELLING AUTHOR” — but do not claim to be the next BESTSELLING AUTHOR. It’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. :)

  4. says

    Awesome query, Jackie, thank you so much for sharing and breaking down why it works. Am definitely bookmarking this for later. 😀

  5. says

    That is a great query letter. I was always under the assumption that they needed to be very straight and professional. Well, you know what they say about assuming anything! It’s little wonder you you were snapped up, though.

    I’m saving this for when I’ll need it. Thanks!

  6. says

    Hello there!

    This is quite the coincidence – after reading the bit about Wild Child Publishing in your query letter, I realized that your name looks a bit familiar, because I might’ve submitted something to you at Wild Child a long long while back 😉 Small world, huh?

    Anyway, thanks for the very informative post! This will definitely come in handy, :)

  7. says

    I loved your query so much when I read it through the Query Project. I based my query on it, and I’ve some tremendous response. You taught me that a query didn’t need to be a dull business letter, and that if you let the novel’s tone and your personality through agents will like it.

    Thank You!

  8. says

    This is absolutely perfect timing – I’m about to set out on shopping my very first MS, and a step-by-step of ‘how to’ (as opposed to evil editor’s ‘how not’) is very helpful.

    And personally, I think that “…chick-lit feeling with strong fantasy and romantic elements, with a little horror, and very dark humor throughout, with a splash of experimentalism” sounds intriguing!

  9. says

    I plan on writing queries in July but until then I’m gonna be editing two novels. I have more but with a full time job already… Writing is my escape and I have so much fun with it.

  10. says

    Thanks so much for sharing this – I’ve done a ton of research on query letters and this was one of the best I’ve seen. I love how your voice and personality come through.

  11. Katee says

    I read this post as I was writing my query so I took your advice and I’ve already gotten a request for a partial! Thanks for helping me get a foot in the door!

  12. says

    Большое спасибо за замечательную возможность оставлять комментарии на Вашей странице!

  13. says

    Thanks for your advice on this blog. Just one thing I would choose to say is purchasing gadgets items on the Internet is not something new. Actually, in the past ten years alone, the market for online gadgets has grown a great deal. Today, you will discover practically almost any electronic device and gizmo on the Internet, ranging from cameras and also camcorders to computer spare parts and video gaming consoles.


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