by Dame Toni

Note: This is the 7^th and final installment of an article I’m writing for submission to several magazines. To see previous installments, check out my personal blog: http://toniandrews.bravejournal.com

 

 

As we’ve discussed, good character-driven fiction creates a connection between the reader and the point of view (POV) character.  In part 7, I showed you how to use involuntary physical reactions to make the setting more real.  In this, the final chapter of Confessions of a Contest Judge, we’ll do the same thing with emotions.

 

In addition to strengthening the reader-character connection, showing vs. telling is all about trusting your readers.  You don’t have to point out the obvious—let them figure it out.  It makes them feel smart. J

 

When I read contest entries from newbie writers, they are full of emotions.  Mary was nervous.  Joe was puzzled.  Katherine was furious.

 

But, I hear you saying, emotions are essential!  Without them, scenes are totally flat.

 

You’re right.  I don’t want you to take out the emotions. But I want you to let your readers figure out what they are. 

 

Point of View Character Emotions:

 

Some involuntary physical reactions are obvious: sweating palms, pounding heart, hairs rising on the arm.  Others are more subtle.  To figure out what an emotion feels like, use one of the five senses.

 

Here’s an example:

 

Maria was terrified.

 

 

I’ve named the emotion: terror.  Now, to make it more effective, I’m going to think about the five senses, and how each of them is affected by the emotion of extreme fear.

 

 

Sight: Sound: Smell: Taste: Touch:

Maria’s vision blurred, then narrowed to a pinpoint. There was a roaring in Maria’s ears. The acrid scent of her own sweat rose to Maria’s nostrils. Sour bile rose in the back of Maria’s throat. Maria tingled from her toes to her scalp as adrenalin pumped through her system.

 

Now, I have a choice of five sentences with which to replace the sentence, “Maria was terrified.”  I don’t have to tell my reader she’s afraid.  They can figure it out.  And, because these are all involuntary physical reactions, they can experience Maria’s fear right along with her.

 

Sound easy?  It is!  If you don’t believe me, try the following exercise. For each of the following sentences in which emotions are named, create a replacement sentence which does not name the emotion, and instead uses one of the five senses.  You may not be able to get all five of the senses with every emotion, but try anyway.

 

Joe was angry.	Sight:
	Sound:
	Smell:
	Taste:
	Touch:
Bobbie was sad.	Sight:
	Sound:
	Smell:
	Taste:
	Touch:
Bob was confused.	Sight:
	Sound:
	Smell:
	Taste:
	Touch:
Cindy was turned on.	Sight:
	Sound:
	Smell:
	Taste:
	Touch:

 

 

Non-Point of View Character Emotions:

 

This works almost exactly the same way with non-POV characters, except that you’re not in the character’s head, so you can’t know how they feel.  You can, however, know how the POV character observes the emotions. 

 

Let’s get back to Maria.  In the earlier example, she was the POV character.  Now, let’s imagine that Maria is being observed by Jim, who is the POV character. 

 

 

Joe saw that Maria was terrified.

 

 

How did Jim know that Maria was terrified?  By using his five senses.

 

 

Sight: Sound: Smell: Taste:   Touch:

Maria’s eyes darted wildly. The pitch of Maria’s voice rose, her words clipped. The acrid scent of Maria’s sweat rose to Jim’s nostrils. (Okay, this one it tricky for a non-POV character. J But it might work for the “turned on” example!) Jim took Maria’s arm, and he could feel her muscles twitch.

 

 

Again, we now have several sentences with which to replace the one in which the emotion was named.

 

Let’s try the same exercise as before, but this time, show how the POV character used his own five senses to observe the emotion in another character:

 

 

Jim saw that Joe was angry.	Sight:
	Sound:
	Smell:
	Taste:
	Touch:
Jim saw that Bobbie was sad.	Sight:
	Sound:
	Smell:
	Taste:
	Touch:
Jim saw that Bob was confused.	Sight:
	Sound:
	Smell:
	Taste:
	Touch:
Jim saw that Cindy was turned on.	Sight:
	Sound:
	Smell:
	Taste:
	Touch:

 

 

Summary:

 

That’s it!  We finally made it to the end of my series.  In conclusion, here are the big points that I hope you’ll take with you from Confessions of a Contest Judge:

 

1. Find critique partners to help you with writing mechanics to weed out clichés.
2. Choose a single Point of View character for each scene in order to form the strongest possible connection between the reader and the character.
3. Use the five senses and involuntary physical reactions to show rather than tell.
4. “Walk like John Wayne” to keep your point of view real and your character voice true.

 

Happy writing…

 

Toni

Related posts:

1. Confessions of a Contest Judge, Part 6: “And How Does that Make You Feel?”
2. Confessions of a Contest Judge, Part 3: Thinking Like a Point of View Character
3. Confessions of a Contest Judge Part 5 – Walk Like John Wayne!

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 21st, 2009 at 7:54 am and is filed under Confessions of a Contest Judge, Toni Andrews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.